 | Employee Evaluations
by Unknown, Circulated on the internet |  |
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For everyone who has ever had an evaluation at work, just remember, it could have been worse. These are, reportedly, actual quotes taken from Government employee performance evaluations.
• "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."
• "I would not allow this employee to breed."
• "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."...
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| Bad day at work? | |
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Hi Sue:
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So ...
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| Reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal... | |
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1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"
3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?"
4. "Were you alone or by yourself?"
5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"
6. "Did...
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| Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! | |
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In Africa, every morning a gazelle awakens, knowing that it must outrun the fastest lion if it wants to stay a...
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| Boots! | |
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Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one!
Did you hear about the Texas Teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why.
Even with her pulling and him pushing...
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| Airport Mix-Up | |
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During the 'rush hour' at Houston's Hobby Airport, a flight was delayed due to a mechanical problem.
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| Bills! | |
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A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice...
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| By its cover
by submitted by Liam McEneaney | |
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A judge in his golden years decided that retirement had become too boring. So he volunteered as a librarian at his local library branch.
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| The new recruit | |
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There was a blonde and she really wanted to become a cop. One day she went to the police station and said she wanted to become a police officer.
They said well you have to be smart to be a police officer so we'll ask you a few questions. Okay she said. What is 2 + 2 said the police officer knowing how dumb blondes always are. ummm...4 she said hesitantly. Okay correct he said. ...
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| Actual McDonald’s Job Application | |
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This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida...and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: Greg Bulmash
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
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| Eating crow | |
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A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow and asked him, "Ca...
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| AIR TRAFFIC OUT-OF-CONTROL - a true story | |
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During taxi, the crew of a US Air departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate ground controller (a female) lashed out at the US Air crew screaming, "US Air 2771, where are you going? ...
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| Tom's Ego | |
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Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end.
Fina...
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| The Engineer | |
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Young man Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having...
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| Outlandish Expectations. | |
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Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"...
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| Unusual interviews | |
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Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the
one hundred largest corporations were asked to
describe their most unusual experience interviewing
prospective employees:
A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an
arm wrestle.
Interview...
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| Genie in a bottle | |
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A sales representative, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie com...
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| Cow Paddies | |
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A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey...
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A woman went to a Florida lemon grove to apply for a job, but the foreman thought she seemed way too qualified for the position. "Do you even have any actual experience picking lemons?" he asked.
"Well, I think I do." she replied. "I've been divorced three times."...
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| No pain, no gain | |
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Q.How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Four!...Three!...Two!...One!
Q.What do you call an aerobics instructor who doesn't cause pain and agony?
A. Unemployed.
Q.What's the difference between an aerobi...
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